It has been 3 years since the last time I blogged, and it feels so good to finally say that “I’m back!”.
It feels so great to be able to write something on these white pages, and this time I am writing about things about myself— and not because of work (there’s totally a difference between these two things)
Now, how has it been?
Looking back at life 3 years ago, I must say that I have been very much hard on myself. I was carrying a heavy load. I had a lot of hate, not just for other people, but also to myself— I (almost) lose myself in the process.
Not just myself, but I have lost friends too.
Not just friends, but I have also lost a lot of opportunities. My career and the things I interest in doing.
Not just that, but I have also lost count of how many times I disregarded my mental health, my physical health, my well being.
Back then, I don’t know who I was anymore. Who I am for. And what I want to do in life. People see me walking down the road with a smile on her face, not knowing how sadder I was on the inside. I was devastated.
I was wearing a mask, I would say. I overworked, a lot. And I no longer know what’s important back then— was it to work because I needed to earn a living? Or was it because it is what I like doing.
Honestly, I didn’t know which one holds more value anymore.
But, you see, 3 years after
I have never been more grateful for the life I’m living now. No, I don’t live a luxury. But I have plenty of people to call a luxury. I have a home, a family who have always been down on me since day one. A cute little one, Zeke, the core reason why I continue to live each day with a smile on my face. And amazing friends who make my motherhood a fun and exciting one.
As I continue to grow, I said to myself that I could no longer torture myself on my idea of a happy ending. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you want it to be.
I learned to live in the moment, forgive myself and the terrible decisions I had in life- so that I could also forgive others. I told myself that I needed to heal not because I have to, but because I want to and that is what I deserve.
Nothing much has changed since then, but I have grown happier— genuinely this time. I no longer have anxiety, I no longer cry myself to sleep, I enjoyed my work and my time with my little babe.
And for me, that’s progress. No matter how little, it is still progress.
And I am still making progress
I am still enjoying this whole new process of self-love, of prioritising things that make me happy and healthy. And the joy of living in the moment.
I am not perfect, and I am still a work in progress. So come with me as I continue to unravel exciting things about my life, motherhood and work.
So this blog, let me start it by saying…